To The Worst Year Ever

Looking back, 2016 is probably the worst year ever for most of the people around me. Traumatic, cruel, wicked, savage, vicious and barbaric are just some of the best adjectives to describe this year.

 

To The Worst Year Ever,

You were the one to actually take what’s left of something broken, fail someone who was nearly there, and kill the hope of a desperate man – that is why you were branded as the most ironic and traumatic year, like ever. Hearts were broken, a healing scar was even bared open, a lot of lives were taken.

 

As I look back, this year has proven me how weak and helpless of a person I can get. I get to encounter a heart ache – from someone dear and from friends (which is way too painful for a human heart to bear with) – I get to be on a situation wherein I’m stuck between choosing my pride or just continue to forgive and forget, I was also tested whether to pursue what I want or not, and even the littlest yet the most temperamental condition, yes I have been into it – being at an airplane and remembering that I left my ticket for a particular event that I was going to attend to. If I’m going to continue enumerating every single erratically emotional state that I have been into, it would, most possibly, take a looooooooooooong time (just like how 2016 was).

 

Yet again, the worst times teach you the best lessons. And yes, I did learn the best lesson yet –  learning about my capacities and my inabilities as a person and deeply knowing myself. Entering the year 2016, I was lost and disoriented – like a man from a hangover, or even an amnesiac. I had plans, yes I did but… I don’t know. I don’t know how all those plans evaporated in the air. And those plans did not define who I really am for I tried becoming a different, ‘better’ person but it turned out to be the opposite – and that’s how I lost myself.

 

‘That’ person took me to places I’ve never been, with people I have barely known but that was it. It felt like my whole year was a nice Instagram feed without further content – like it’s just all about the aesthetics. I bared myself to people who never gave a damn while I was unknowingly losing important people along the way. I continued without thinking. I traversed the flowery path, not the trail often traveled and so, I slipped and lost my way.

 

December 2016 came and all these realizations started kicking in. I started rebuilding myself, piece by piece and up until now, I’m still collecting the broken pieces.

 

 

 

 

 

 

To the person who broke my heart, thank you. I’ve learned my lesson. I’ve moved on and I hope you’d be happy – genuinely happy.

 

To the person I have hurt, I’m sorry. I still don’t have a face to show you but I hope you’re happy now.

 

To the person I long to be with, hey. Ummm…

 

To the friends I’ve lost, I’m happy for all your endeavors and hopefully, one day, our paths would meet at one corner and we’d ask each other to sit down at a cafe and talk about what happened.

 

To the friends who turned into family whom I nearly lost, I’m sorry for my lapses. I’m sorry if I easily gave up when I was the one to actually tell everyone not to give up.

 

To the people who stayed, thank you. Thank you for bearing with my highly temperamental self and with what’s left of ‘me’. I can not promise to bring myself back but I promise to at least, try.

 

And finally, to myself, be happy. Pursue your dreams of becoming one of the world’s most known model, blogger, interior designer and artist. Don’t be afraid to actually tell the world that you’re proud of your dreams and never be frightened for how big your dreams can get. Reach for the stars and aim higher. Love yourself and again, be as happy as you can get.

 

 

With much love and hatred (to 2016),

Ralph Ledesma

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